Not Even If I Wanted To
by HecateA
Summary: He knows she can't lie to him, but if Remus won't believe her even then... Tonks might have to let him walk away. Written for Romance Awareness Day 11: You cannot lie to your soulmate


**Author's Note: **Written for the 31 Days of Soulmate!AU Day 11: You cannot lie to your soulmate

**Disclaimer: **The following characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and this story derives from her original works, storylines, and world. Please do not sue me, I can barely pay tuition.

**Warnings: **Canon character death and grief referenced

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**Stacked with: **MC4A; Shipping War; Hogwarts; Harmony of Souls Eternal; Rays of Blades

**Individual Challenge(s): **Gryffindor MC; Hufflepuff MC; Summer Vacation; Seeds; Tissue Warning; Golden Times; Old Shoes; Themes & Things A (Love); Themes & Things B (Loss); Trope it Up C (Mutual Pining); True Colours; Rian-Russo Inversion; In a Flash; Yellow Ribbon; Yellow Ribbon Redux

**Representation(s): **Soulmate!AU

**Bonus challenge(s): **In the Trench; Surprise!; Second Verse (Odd Feathers); Chorus (Middle Name)

**Tertiary bonus challenge: **NA

**Word Count: **651

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_**Shipping Wars**_

**Ship (Team): **Nymphadora Tonks/Remus Lupin

**List (Prompt): **Summer Big List (Tank top)

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**Not Even if I Wanted To**

She rapidly pulled the cardigan back over her shoulder when it slipped down her shoulder, but he'd seen the bandages wrapped around her chest, shoulder, and arm exposed by her tank top. It stung him to see her hurt; reminded her of why he was here.

"I'm an Auror," Dora said. "And a member of the Order of the Phoenix. These are my choices; and if they mean that sometimes I get hurt, I'm okay with that. It has nothing to do with you."

"One day it might," Remus said. "And if that happens… I can't even think about it, Dora. I can't let anything that might lead us to that keep… keep going."

"Oh, that is so bullshit and you know it," Dora said, biting her lip.

"You know it isn't," Remus said. The old injury on his shoulder, his first injury in quite a few ways, tingled as he said it. "I wouldn't be saying it if it was."

Dora took a deep breath and shook her head.

"Don't do this," she said. "Please…"

He would have loved to listen to her. Honestly, he would have—it would probably have lead to her taking his hand and kissing his jawline in that particular spot nobody else he knew kissed with such affection or frequency. He'd have fallen asleep with her bundled up against his chest, probably his arms wrapped around her middle, but minding the bandages and her injuries from the Department of Mysteries…

But he'd made his decision; a decision he should have made long ago, admittedly, but one that was impossible to delay any further after the Order's last battle. Since Sirius had died, he'd felt as if a gaping hole had opened up in his stomach. He'd felt is years ago, when Lily and James had died—when he'd thought he'd lost Peter too. It reminded him how fragile and rare his friendships were, and it reminded him why. There were a thousand good reasons for people to keep their distance from him, and a thousand and one in Dora's case. If she didn't see that… well, Remus did. He had to remind her.

"I love you," Dora said in such a simple way that it felt like a smack.

"Don't," Remus sighed.

"I wouldn't be saying it if it wasn't true," Dora said, echoing his earlier words. "I couldn't lie to you, not even if I wanted to. You _know _that. We're..."

Remus turned around and shook his head. "Being soulmates doesn't mean… it doesn't mean permanence or obligation. You can do better than me, Dora. And you should."

"I hate that you believe that so, so much that you can say it out loud as if it were the truth," Dora said sadly, shaking her head. "It's not. I don't know what to tell you Remus, it just isn't. Even if we weren't soulmates, Remus, I'd choose you. I'd want you..."

Remus sighed and shut his eyes. He shook his head.

"I wish you all the best," Remus said. "Honestly, I do. I won't see you for quite some time, Dumbledore has an assignment from me, but please take care. I'll get going, now."

Dora swallowed hard, pulled her cardigan closer to her. Well, to be precise it was actually his. He was happy to leave it behind, and held Dora's gaze until she nodded. She blinked a few times before walking him to the door of her flat.

"One day, you'll believe that I love you," Dora called one last time, standing in the doorway. "Come back to me then."

He turned back, but she closed the door behind her. That would be her last word on the issue. And as Remus walked away, he convinced himself that he'd said his last piece on the subject as well.

It was, after all, the truth. He wouldn't have been able to tell her if it weren't.


End file.
